On November 15^th, 2007 a bright light went out of the world and a new star was born in the night sky. Dolores Kilcullen was someone who inspired me. Her greatest creation was her family. A woman who nurtured a family of 8 children, 16 grandchildren and 8 great-grandchildren, she loved each family member and inspired them to love as well.

However, she did not only care for her own flesh and blood but she thoughtfully cultivated relationships with everyone she met at work and in life in general. She had an amazing ability to make people feel good. She made people want to be exactly who they were through and through. Her generous heart, strength, conviction and undying faith will inspire me to live as good and truthful a life as I possibly can and it is my hope that I can teach my daughter to do the same. I used to spend time talking with her; she was simply electric. I was drawn to her spunk and the sound of her laugh. I wish you had met her.

We come here to talk about creation and creative spirit. Today, I share with you a woman who had an ability to create an atmosphere of love and genuine understanding mixed with the most fabulous sense of humor every day. She made living an art form. Live out loud. Care for those in your life deeply.  Most of all - create. Create colors, create words, create music, create beauty, create magic, create safe spaces, create laughter, create comfort, create caring, create friendships, create lasting relationships, create family, create healing, create peace, create growth and create love.

Slowly, it soared through the air and landed, like a grenade, causing laughter to explode from my lips. I responded by lobbing one of my own jokes and enjoyed the amusement that erupted on the opposite side of the counter. The war being waged between myself and John, the man at my local deli, is now a year old. It is an odd sort of weekly battle in that it leaves both sides in better form after it is fought. I set off one last blast which sent him into hysterics before he disappeared into the back of the store and I headed for the checkout. A few moments later, the sounds of laughter escaped from the back.

“That was the dumbest thing you could have said. Now, he and his buddies are laughing at your ridiculous attempts at humor. You think you’re funny but you’re just stupid!”

Meet my inner critic, his name is Hanz. I picture Hanz as a disgruntled hairdresser who wanted to be a rock star – think Rod Stewart of the 70’s – but never made it further than the church choir. The moment I wake in the morning he starts nitpicking everything from the way I dress to how I interact with people and does not stop till I run for the cover of sleep at night. With a quick snip of his scissors, he cuts me down.

When it comes to my creative work, Hanz is especially ruthless. “That sentence was all wrong. Who is going to want to read this garbage? You call yourself a writer? Think again. Real writers are better than you. You’re no artist, I assure you.”

For years, I’ve tried to tune him out but it only made him reappear with a vengeance. Regardless of how hard I fought, I always ended up feeling helpless. Finally, I decided I had to change my tactics. I found a simple strategy to combat the problem, although its simplicity is precisely what makes it so hard. I invite you take a half an hour a day for one week to try this approach to disarming the critic.

A quick note before you proceed, you may read through this and think to yourself, ‘This is ridiculous. I’m not going to get up and tell myself how great I am each day.’ But before you dismiss it, I ask you to think about this. Every day you are willing to get up and move through your day believing the negative chatter that goes on inside your head that tells you that you are not good enough or your thoughts are ridiculous and stupid, the things that hold you back from taking big creative risks at work and in life. If you are willing to believe the negative, why would you not be willing to believe in and work at incorporating the positive into your life? What do you have to lose by trying?

1. Deserving or Not Deserving, that is the question: Answer these 3 questions honestly.

            a) Do you deserve to be happy?
            b) Do you believe in yourself and your abilities?
            c)  Do you deserve to be able to make your creative dreams come true?
            If you answered no to any of these, ask yourself why not?

2. Who Said That Anyway? – Spend one day listening to your critic. Use a little notebook to record some of the things you hear. What are the most common criticisms? Think back and try to pinpoint the first time you heard those things. You will find that your critic is a conglomeration of many voices of criticism that you have heard throughout your life. Realize that most of the time people’s comments have little to do with you. Whether they are jealous because they can’t see their own potential or angry at their own critic, forgive them and then let those voices go.

3. Name Games – Give your critic a name and, if possible, a bit of history. In making your critic a three dimensional character, you provide a point of origin for the random negative thoughts that fly around inside your head.  When you get ready to do battle, you will have a source to focus on.

4. Affirm, affirm, affirm – Write three positive sentences that you will agree to read twice a day – once in the morning and once at night. For example, I believe in myself. I am a unique individual. I deserve to have my dreams come true.

5. Like “OM” – A mantra is a word or sound that is often used in mediation to help you to focus your mind. Choose a word that makes you feel good or that you like to say and use it to focus yourself when confronted with critical people or situations.

6. Visualize Goal Attainment – Picture yourself creating that piece you have dreamt about or starting that creative business. Truly see yourself in that role. The more you do this the more determination you will build to accomplish your goals and more strength you will have to tell that critic to hit the road.

7. Resume Retreat – Spend some time reviewing your resume. So often we move from one objective to the next and then quickly forget how hard we worked to accomplish our goals. Look at the things you’ve done and the skills you’ve acquired. The critic cannot keep you from attaining your dreams.

8. Personal Achievements – Write down some of your major personal accomplishments. Think about your interactions and how hard you’ve worked to maintain relationships with people you love. Think about how you’ve grown in all areas of your life. The critic is wrong, that list of successes is the proof.

9. Loving Requests - Ask your loved ones what they love and admire about you. It helps to see how the world sees you because the critic’s view is usually quite merciless and wrong. Step outside yourself and accept the gift of another’s positive thoughts.

10. Tea-time Disarmament – Close your eyes and invite that critic to tea. Listen closely. Whenever you hear the critic start in about how you are not funny or smart or good enough - stop them. Say, “Really? Well then tell me what I could have said that would have been funnier, smarter, etc.?” You will only hear silence. The critic is just disgruntled and can only say negative things. It has no sound value but your do and so do your ideas.

In decreasing the power of the critic’s words, you will find more room for creative thought and more energy to positively light the fire under your dreams.

Judy Beedle is a woman who believes “the truth can only stare you in the face for so long before you have to do something about it.” Armed with an engaging sense of wit, a laugh that warms you like a fire on a cold evening and an incredible ability to capture the very essence of people on film, this photographer is determined to turn her creative dreams into a successful reality. On this page, she shares her story and offers excellent advice, for those working full-time or part-time and/or raising children, on how to pursue photography, even with a hectic lifestyle.

Photo by Judy Beedle 

CN: You recently made a major move from full-time status to part-time status at your job so that you could spend more time on photography. Congratulations! What made you decide that now is the time to pursue your passion?

Judy: It’s now or never! A few years ago, good friend told me that was his motto for the year. I guess I just felt the time was right to adopt it as my own. My employer and I had a few discussions about what would happen if I went part time. We finally agreed to give it a try. Perhaps I am lucky in that regard. I love where I work and who I work with but I need my photography to feel fulfilled. I had put it off for too long. So, I think I really had to make the change for my own happiness. 

CN: What obstacles - financial, time, personal fears - held you from focusing on photography until now? How are you working to overcome them?

Judy: I think the first and biggest obstacle is always, fear. Fear that I’m not good enough, don’t know enough, won’t be able to pay the bills, etc. The fear makes the money and time worries bigger. So I suddenly realized that I had to believe in myself much more. I had to be ok with screwing up occasionally before I could take the leap. I also chatted with people about it and one thing was repeated to me, “Be ok with working your tail off and not making much money for the first year. As long as you keep plugging away, it will pay off.” That’s what I’m doing, and I’m actually enjoying it. Honestly, those obstacles aren’t gone; I’m just not focused on them quite as much anymore. 

CN: Photography has clearly been a lifelong passion of yours. What are your first camera/photo memories?

Judy: My first camera was actually a KODAK disk camera. I brought that thing with me everywhere and took pictures of everyone I knew, including all of my friends sleeping at various slumber parties. How obnoxious! (She laughs). In my senior year in high school, I got a 35 mm CanonT50 and felt like I had finally arrived. But that camera and I never really bonded. I never got the hang of the controls. I borrowed my cousin’s Pentax k1000 for a photo class in college and all the stuff with f-stops and whatnot finally clicked. That summer I bought my own k1000 at a local camera shop on sale. My mother almost passed out that the cost was $109 but it was hands-down the best hundred bucks I ever spent. I still own that camera, have vowed to never get rid of it, and occasionally I pick it up because I still love how it feels in my hands. I have always thought I was so lucky to get one of the last k1000 ever made.

Photo by Judy Beedle

CN: What is your ultimate creative dream?

Judy: Besides having a collection of my work published in a beautiful hardcover book, I would want to be commissioned to hit the road with my camera to capture Americana and the people that are part of it. It’s been done over and over but for me it’s something that doesn’t get old. Then that would lead to a book, and maybe more travel…
If I could have met Henri Cartier-Bresson that would have been a dream come true.

CN: What keeps you motivated to work on photography every week?

Judy: It’s as simple as I love how I feel after a day of walking around with my camera. Everyone has their thing that makes them tick, photography gets to be mine. I also get motivated by talking ’shop’ with other creative types, going to art shows, and looking at other work whether it’s in a local bookstore or on someone’s Flickr account. Right now my juices are also flowing because I have agreed to do a book with a writer friend in NYC of my photos and her poetry. So, a good project also helps keep me motivated!

CN: How do you challenge yourself to keep your artwork fresh and constantly evolving?

Judy: Right now, I am doing a new thing where I contact other photographers. Some I sort of know, some I have never even heard of until a friend gives me their name. I ask them if they want to meet up for coffee and photo chat. I am not trying to steal ideas; it’s about sharing in the mutual joy of making images and therefore inspiring one another. Doors open and emails are exchanged more regularly, and it’s a big cycle that makes me want to get out more and shoot and then meet up with someone to share and chat. I have been pleasantly surprised at how open people are to that kind of thing and I think it’s definitely helping my work.

Photo by Judy Beedle

CN: What are you striving for from your work? When you take photos, do you have one specific focus? For example, do you prefer to photograph people over landscapes?

Judy: People are my subject of choice, but I sometimes do landscapes, of sorts. I want people to feel like they know something about the person I’m photographing when they see the work hanging somewhere, even if it’s their own interpretation. Photos that tell stories or have a way of pulling you (the viewer) in are, in my opinion, the most powerful. 

CN: Do you ever try to capture something in a photo only to find you captured something completely different when you saw the end result?

Judy: Totally! I think those are called ‘happy accidents.’ This happens often when I do something known as “shooting from the hip” where you shoot without looking through the lens. Sometimes your camera is literally at hip level. It’s one of my favorite practices. Just a few days ago, I was taking a photo of a storefront and was very excited when I realized that my camera got more than the items in the window! It got all the clouds in the sky, and 2 buildings across the street in the reflection and it was very clear, almost like it had been double-exposed. A friend was with me and we were taking turns with each of our cameras, then getting giddy with excitement at the surprises we were getting.

Photo by Judy Beedle 

CN: You were working on your craft while working a full-time job. What advice would you give to people who are looking to pursue photography but have a full-time job and/or kids?

Judy: My first thought would be to find people in the field and work them into your network somehow. Find people who can help with technical questions or who may pass work your way when they are unavailable. Photography can be a weekend and/or 2nd job. It can also be a perfect gig for those with kids. Think of all the networking you can do when you bring your kids to school, practice, and dance class, whatever! Take one family portrait and soon everyone in your circle will know about it. My other piece of advice would be to carry a camera, even a small point and shoot, with you everywhere you go. Photograph the kids sleeping in the car, covered in melting ice cream, running in the park. You will be improving your shooting skills and the general understanding of your equipment. If you work full-time and don’t have kids, I would still say the same for networking and bringing your camera with you; anything that keeps you shooting. If you have your camera you will use it. Trust me. Mine is a heavy reminder pulling on my neck, almost nagging me to use it. 

CN: What advice would you give to someone working a part-time job, as you are, looking to pursue this field?

Judy: For the part timers out there, same advice – start to build a network, carry the camera with you and perhaps, if you have more time in your schedule, take a class if you feel you need to learn more. You will meet up with others (so helpful! I’m tellin’ ya), and maybe pick a project that keeps you shooting, whether it’s for pay or not. Remember the more you are getting out there doing the work, the more it will pay off for you. Even shows of your work in coffee shops will get business for you so, don’t be shy!

Photo by Judy Beedle

Drop by Judy Beedle Photography to see more of her inspiring work.
 

Recently, as I strolled by a newsstand, my eyes scanned various magazine and newspaper covers. One magazine claimed to know which shoes I would need in order to have a “Hot” wardrobe. While a newspaper announced that it had cornered the market on the “Hottest” hairstyle I would need for the holidays. Suddenly I found myself thinking about all of those “Hot or Not”, “In or Out” lists floating around in Mainstream America.

Who decides those things anyway?

I have always had this vision of a man with a mousy, brown comb-over putting the lists together. It doesn’t matter that he wears khakis, the ones with little reindeer stitched all over them, an argyle vest, a white shirt with yellowing armpits and white patent leather shoes day in and day out because no one has ever seen him. Once upon a time at a party, some editor overheard someone’s cousin’s uncle’s sister’s friend’s dog sitter say that he’s a recluse who designed an unforgettable outfit for a rock star in 1999. And don’t we sometimes think ‘genius’ when we hear the word recluse? Or is that just me? Either way, this information made said editor seek out the mystery man with said flair for fashion in the hopes that he would consult on everything from “hot” food to “hot” fashion thus intriguing readers and driving sales through the roof.

I have to tell you. I’m over the whole thing.

Part of the reason we sometimes suffer from a lack of creative confidence is because we are bogged down with people telling us what we should and should not wear, eat, see, do, and experience. We are told that certain designers, artists, writers, architects, mathematicians, songwriters, etc., are the best of the best.

Where does that leave us?

List makers, like critics, get up in the morning the same as we do and do a job which is to put their opinion out there. That’s all it is, an opinion. We don’t all need to run out and grab the boots, coat, perfume. We don’t need to conform to another’s idea of what’s best.

We need to listen to what’s inside us. Enjoy it. Love it. Share it with the world.

While TV, movies, newspapers, magazines and the like can often provide valuable information and inspiration, it can also deplete us of our ability to see the beauty and wonder within ourselves. If “plugged in” too long we begin to believe that we don’t have half as much to offer as others AND that what we do have to offer may not be “In” or “Hot”.

Today, I invite you to carve out a small window of time to tune it all out. On your lunch hour or when you have a bit of down time this afternoon, turn off the TV, radio, phone, and computer. Put down the newspapers, magazines, and books.  Spend 15 minutes with that talented person in your life – YOU!

Take a short walk, sit on a bench while the kids play or simply look out the window. Imagine yourself at play. If you didn’t have to worry about time or responsibility, what would you be doing right now? Give yourself room to delve into your imagination.

In the evening, spend 15-30 minutes doing something you love. Dust off that camera and take a picture from a crazy angle. Write a poem about something that means the world to you. Bake those cupcakes even though you have never baked anything in your life. Sketch that new design. Paint something you have always dreamed of painting- with your eyes closed. Write that mathematics theory in purple ink. Share your creations here.

Whatever you do, make sure that it comes from within you. Then celebrate yourself because you are the best at what you do. You are an original and your ideas are “Hot” because they are distinctly yours.

I am a worrywart by nature. And yet I find a cause to pause when I share that thought knowing my Mom had a glass of champagne the night I decided to join this world festival which, I believe, not only enticed me to come but made for a relaxed entrance. I’ve always pictured my arrival going something like this:
                                              SCENE I
(Bright light encircles enormous heads hovering over a bouncy baby riding a champagne bubble)
                                              NEWBIE:
“How’s it going? Listen I tasted your yummy liquid, you know the one with all those fabulous bubbles, and thought to myself, ‘Whoever made this has to be full of fun.’ So I decided to just pop by – no pun intended I assure you - and invite you to a private party. I spend all day hanging in a Jacuzzi there – I’m a little wrinkled but it’s totally worth it – and room service is divine. I don’t even have to order; they just bring me these heavenly treats. Except for the prunes, I sent the prunes back. Well, what do you say, my place in a half an hour?”

Perhaps worry and nature don’t exactly go hand-in-hand in my world. Maybe worry is nothing more than the ‘nurture’ byproduct of a life that often asks you to move too fast in the name of doing more to make more to have more. Either way, it often causes me to lose momentum. I have the normal worries about being late for meetings, not being the best Mommy I possibly can and not spending enough time with loved ones. I even worry about not worrying enough.

However, I also have ‘creative career’ worries. I worry about not getting enough work to pay the bills, not maintaining contacts, not saying thank you enough, not being well-read enough, not knowing enough, and spending so much time taking care of others that I won’t have enough time to accomplish my artistic goals.               

                                         What are your worries?

All of this worry can hinder your progress in life. It can actually stop you from accomplishing the very things you are worried about not accomplishing. The following steps have actually helped me to move past worry and focus on my work. Set aside 30 minutes (the time can be broken up throughout your day) to give these a try.  

1. Give Yourself Permission to Worry: That’s right, worry your brains out! Take a sheet of paper and write, “Worries” on top. Do a mental run-through of your day or a run-through of the project you want to tackle and, without lifting the pen from the page, list all the parts that cause you to worry.

2. Benefits: List the ways that worrying benefits you. Then look at your list. Ask yourself – does worrying motivate you or keep you from doing what you love? On average how much time do you think you spend on your worries? Give each one a rough time estimate. Cross out the word, “Worries” on top of your worry list and write, “Obstacles.” Then re-read them.

3. Baby Step Contract: On a new sheet of paper, write a brief contract with yourself that states that you will work on a project without worrying. You will take one step a week toward following your goals. In breaking up a project into manageable, weekly bits you will lessen the likelihood of becoming overwhelmed and will be able to fight your worries. Use the positive feeling you experience when you do the work you love as your motivation.

4. Project Research: Spend a few minutes researching the cost of materials or people you will need to contact in order to accomplish your project goals. Don’t let this overwhelm you. Knowing what you need in order to set realistic goals will help you to achieve those goals so that your focus is not worry about getting things done but rather about the fulfillment you get from your creations. (Isn’t that why you create in the first place?)

5. Share: Carry a little journal around to capture the little worries that may creep in throughout the day or talk with a friend, loved one or co-worker about your worries. In sharing, we not only find common ground but, in releasing the worries from your brain, you create more room for creative thought.

Whether you work with paint, film, fabric, words or numbers, you are a creative being. Worry is the byproduct of a life that’s too hectic and you don’t need it. Let your worries go and let the feeling you get when you create be your guide.