My husband likes to call me, Bo, after one of the characters in M. Night Shyamalan’s movie, Signs. He has bestowed this nickname upon me as a result of the numerous, unfinished glasses of water I leave all over the house just as Bo did in the film.

Once upon a time, I worked for a newspaper where my co-workers were entertained by the unfinished Pepsi cans I would leave behind me.  They would laugh as they followed can after can, with maybe a sip left, knowing that I would be at the end of that trail.

In the past, I was strictly a novel reading woman but lately, I’ve taken to reading essays and short stories. In fact, I’m currently in the middle of reading about three different books of essays. In doing so, I’ve broken my cardinal rule of reading one book all the way through to the end before beginning another one. What is all this?

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have a fear of finishing things due to my fear of failure which is equally as big as my fear of success. Time to call the Dr., this Mama’s got a big, ole bag o’ issues.

Don’t get me wrong there are things that I was happy to see come to an end like labor, root canal surgery and the last episode of Seinfeld. Despite my reluctance to see the things I enjoy come to an end, I do understand that most experiences have an expiration date so that new opportunities for growth can happen. I even get my fear of failure and believe most of you can relate. However, my fear of success has been quite puzzling.

For while, I believed that I did not deserve to be successful; that has changed.  Now, I think the fear is born from a worry that when I get to the end of a project, it won’t turn out the way I wanted. Or, to take it to the next level, it will turn out exactly the way I wanted and I will realize that it was not what I wanted at all. Does this make sense to you? Do you ever feel this way?

Regardless of my feelings about success or failure, I know I absolutely have to continue moving forward with all the things I am working on. There have been times when I’ve let fear stop me from accomplishing my goals. I would freeze and my indecision would lead to the decision not to follow through on what I had started.

So, I am going to start to change my behavior. Today, I will finish what I am drinking before I pour a new glass or open a new bottle, especially if it’s alcohol. Hahahaha…I love entertaining myself!

In addition, I will color another section and write another line and keep going. Hopefully I’ll know the end when it approaches and when it does, I’ll cross the finish line.

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