The Tempting Question

Questionable Kitty

Original Painting by Natasha Reilly, © 2013

 

Trusting that you know what needs to be created is a true test of heart. The entire time I was painting this my head kept saying, “What are you doing? A cat? You don’t even have a cat!” But my intuition was saying, “A cat. Yes, you need to bring a cat to life.” Reluctantly, I listened and I have to say I’m so glad I did.

I love this cat. I love the way this piece opened ideas within me about the importance of asking questions in life. All too often we blindly accept what we are told. However we are all responsible for our own stories so when it comes to a story we have not lived but instead have been told, we must ask questions. Questions allow us to see life from a new perspective and open our hearts and minds to see without using our eyes. They invite us to challenge ideas so that we might better understand them. Questions are the sunlight that allows passion for our beliefs to grow.

Yes, this cat – tempted though she may be – knows her limits (knowing her limits makes her limitless) and knows just the right number of questions she needs to ask in order to let her beautiful, colorful, passionate soul blossom.

Happy Paint Party Friday!

Lost Voices

 


Work in Progress or My Voice

Original Painting by Natasha Reilly, Copyright 2013.

 

I lost my voice.

 

Like vapor, it simply disappeared into the atmosphere.  I called to it, prayed, searched the streets, cleaned out all the closets, looked under the bed but found nothing.

 

I lost my creative voice and I feared it was gone forever.

 

First, I got sad – I’m talking eat an entire box of chocolate chip cookies sad. Then I was terrified – hide under the covers, life is devoid of music and meaning terrified.

 

What would I do?

 

And then I got mad, pick up the paintbrushes, break out the drums and beat them mad. Anger can be a truly constructive emotion if it is used properly. (It took me years to see that but now when I feel that swell of anger, I channel it.) I grab my paintbrush or my pencils and go nuts on paper or canvas, sometimes even fabric.

 

‘Stop over-thinking,’ I shouted within my own head. Over-thinking is like that little abs machine advertised on late night infomercials that says it’s tightening your abs for you while you do nothing. It made me believe that I had actually been doing something when all I had been doing was sitting on my duff thinking about creating – in other words, I was doing nothing. I needed to move to action. I needed to just begin.

 

Paintbrush in hand, I dove in. I was very calm at first. Like meeting someone for the first time, I put my best for forward and greeted the canvas – polite, quiet brush strokes and that was when I heard it.

 

“This is crap. Where’s YOUR voice!? STOP thinking about what others want! STOP thinking about what might look “pretty.” Throw the paint around. Lose yourself! Don’t create to be liked, create to be YOU Damnit!”

 

My voice is not quiet and polite.

 

Anger flooded me again.

 

So I moved my brush with more force. I stopped “trying” to be anyone other than me and that thought hit me like a locomotive.

 

I’ve spent SO much of my life doing the “right” thing or creating what others wanted because I thought that was the path to love. I won’t be abandoned by family or friends if I make something that someone likes because then they will see I’m worth having around – look at what nice things I can bring to their life. Yes, then I will be loved. Thing is – I don’t want to be loved because I give people what they want. People rarely even know what they really want and when they get it they often realize they didn’t really want it to begin with. They wanted or needed something else –something that inspires them, challenges them, etc. But this is not about them. This is about me.

 

Anger. Embarrassment. Foolishness. Feelings of Failure.

 

I painted with a feverish fury. I was moving along the page when suddenly I felt myself “dancing”. It was as though I’d stepped out of the middle of a wild hurricane and stepped onto a stage. There was grace and focused strength in my movements. My hand extended – the paintbrush a mere extension of my heart –I realized I was dancing along the canvas. Another powerful wave of emotion hit me.

 

I love dance. I have always loved dance. Though I was in shows when I was younger I did not dance to be seen, I danced because it made me feel alive. It connected me to my breath, my fiery heart, my passionate soul. Dance was a way for me to tell the story of my life – joy and pain – with my entire being. When I would dance every part of me was connected, grounded and soaring at the same time!

 

Release. Let Go. Joy. Truth.

 

As the paintbrush danced, I began to laugh out loud. “This is me!” I shouted the no one other than me. It id not matter if anyone ever saw this painting, I made this for me and in doing so, I reconnected with something inside that was lost and scared and huddled in the corner of my being – I connected with me. I made something for me not for monetary gain. I did not make it for any other reason than to hear the sound of my own voice again – a voice that dances across the canvas of life.

 

I sat with this painting for a long time last night. There’s so much inside it. I don’t know if it’s finished and I don’t need to know. All I know is I wanted to share not for approval but connection. I wanted YOU to know that if you feel lost, DO something. Just begin and you will find yourself. You don’t have to finish it all right now. Just start. This is my start. It’s a work in progress, just like me.

 

I love me. I love what’s within me. I’m a creation of the Universe FILLED with all these amazing gifts – we all are. And when we let those gifts explode like confetti and rain down upon the world around us, we are not beings seeking love we are love.

 

 

Impossible Inspiration

 

 

This little cutie has been with me for the last few years and over that course of time, there has been an evolution. I hear the inspirational words that accompany this hippo. So I thought I would share it with you today.

I mean nothing is really impossible is it? If we believe in our hearts that we can create what we envision and we are willing to work to build it, we can make it happen. If we reach out for to the balloons in our life who lift us up and believe in who we are we can fly.

Fly high!

Dance in the Deep, Dark Forest

A Celebration of Wanderers

Original Painting by Natasha Reilly, Copyright 2012.

I used to get so upset and frustrated while watching Dorothy walk along the Yellow Brick road. Yes, the road was quite pretty – dare I say, even sparkly – but it seemed SO confined like walking the plank. I mean EVERYONE knew about that road (and yes, I know that we rarely ever saw people walking the same way save the Tin Man, the Scarecrow and the Lion and some flying monkeys) because it was the one path to the Wizard right? So tell me – is the originality in that? Only one road???

 

When she would get pulled off the road for a nanosecond it was SO much more interesting!! I wanted her to toss that basket in the air and go running through the fields screaming, “I’m free Auntie Em, FREE!” I wanted her to fling some paint on the trees and create her own road – maybe a rainbow one.  But she walked the yellow but when she peered into those deep, dark woods that everyone was so fearful of there was a Tin Man, a Scarecrow, flowers that made you fell asleep (ok that wasn’t cool but we all have to learn from our mistakes right?)  and more. Magical things were hidden in those woods that made it exciting, why? Because more often than not it is the things we are told not to do that can bring the greatest rewards. Now I’m not saying you should walk down dark alleys or deep, mountainous wooded areas alone but I am saying that you should hop off the shiny, paved road that’s well worn with other people’s footprints because if you don’t you could miss the very magic of your life.

 

Following what others have done – writing something where you try to stick to another’s voice or imitate it, painting something that another has painted – will bring you to your final destination with absolutely no excitement, I promise you. But stepping off into that “dark” forest, mistakenly stumbling into the “unknown”, tripping, falling, getting back up, LOSING your way?? YES, YES YES!

 

Imagine it – you lose your way only to find that the light you seek radiates from your insides! You lose your way only to discover that people you overlooked add profound meaning to your life. You might just climb peaks you never imagined you would just because you can. You might do it to see what you can see while celebrating the beauty of your body and spirit. Here in that forbidden forest you might find yourself cartwheeling even though you swore you didn’t know how or better yet you might just find yourself running and falling down and laughing for no reason whatsoever. You might get messy, very messy. You might make huge happy mistakes and find joy, pain, peace and love in intensities that you never imagined. And you might just find that’s never made you feel more alive! Here in this space that is “unknown”, the space labeled scary because it’s essentially a path that was not blazed by any other soul but you, you might just find yourself making carvings in the ground, painting rocks with words you created to inspire anyone else who may journey along this way.

 

Here there are no rules made by others for you to follow. Here is this no one telling you where to go and THAT can seem like the scariest thing at first. But then you realize that you have an inner compass – your intuition. You know that thing that people dismiss because someone else said – “…things aren’t done that way”  OR “…no one has ever done that before.” Here in this forest where the Sassy girls roam, here in this forest the ONLY rule is that you make your own rules and you take responsibility for the choices you make.

 

You see, the only thing that is actually required of you in this life is that YOU be exactly who you are and you do with pride! There are enough people saying things like – “Oh pipe down and be quite. Don’t cause a scene. Why can’t you just do it this way? Why do you have such a hard time listening?” There are enough people saying – “That’s the not the way it’s done.”

 

And what if I say, or you and I say – “Who cares?” Or “So what that’s the way it’s always been done, I want to do it this way.” Well, if we dare to stand up tall we might end up being called “bitches.” Someone might say, “She’s so difficult to work with/live with/be with” And you know what, if me standing up for what I want makes me all those things than I say BRING It! Because there are MORE souls out there who will say, “Yes that’s exciting. I want to try it that” OR better yet, “You’ve inspired me to try it MY way and live the way I want to live!”

 

In the end, I know this is my story to tell. The naysayers are not telling my story. And so, I say it’s time to dance in the forest under the moon with my wild, sassy sisters. It’s time to create something so powerful people from all around notice big puffs of vibrant  color smoke exploding – POOF POOF – above the tree line of the forbidden forest that reaches far and wide to dance with the stars. They hear laughter and music. It’s time to create stories that will become legend and forage roads that lead out of the forest – new roads – created by souls like us, the ones who are passionate for life, who dance and cartwheel – that lead to the ocean, to the stars and to worlds we haven’t even imagined yet.

 

And so I ask, are you ready to blaze new trails? Are you ready to dance, cartwheels and twirl through the air under the stars letting the voices of the naysayers burn away with the setting sun and allow dreams – NEW dreams that could change the whole face of your life’s landscape emerge?

 

If yes, be ready for the forest is calling and opening its wild doors very soon!

 

All Rachel Did Was Listen

all i did was listen is an exceptional book written and illustrated by the incredibly talented Rachel Awes. Rachel is a super colorful, sassy, joyful, down-to-Earth soul whose deep, active listening moves her to create gorgeous works that change the world for the better. Rachel gathered quotes from her psychotherapy clients and wove them together to tell a ver human tale about healing. Her thoughtful reflections combined with her heart-warming images can transform your perspective and inspire you to be a ripple of vibrant electricity in life.

This book arrived during a deeply interesting time in my life. I was attending birthdays and funerals with what felt like equal regularity and I needed something to help keep my life of extremes in check. All i did was listen provided that balance and provided a place of solace while reminding me that while life may feel like a seesaw ultimately, if I listen closely, I will hear profound lessons being whispered in the moments I’m honored to be invited to witness and find a platform on which to stand tall and tell the stories that connect us all.

If you get a chance, grab yourself a copy. I promise you it will be like opening a window in your soul and letting sunshine pour in.

Rachel is a psychologist, author and art playgroundist with a stellar little space you should visit to marinate in some juicy creativity. For more Rachel goodness and to grab your very own copy, click HERE.

Thank you, Rachel for all the beauty and magic you sprinkle upon the world!

Keep listening, creating and sharing always!

More Than You Know

Sassy

original painting by Natasha Reilly, Copyright 2013

 

 

I love this little girl.  She’s got sass and spunk. Don’t be fooled by the fact that she’s a wee girl. Don’t dismiss her as cute and nice. She’s got power and energy you can’t see. She’s going to do things that will amaze you. You see, she was born one morning after my daughter took a look in the mirror and said, “This color looks great on me, Mom.  I love it. I love ME!”

 

THAT – that moment right there – should be harnessed and sprinkled upon every beautiful soul. That moment when you love yourself so unconditionally that you can look in the mirror and say, “Yes!” to everything about you.

 

And suddenly BAM! It hit me! This is the moment before the world tells her that she needs to fix herself in order to belong because inevitably it will. This is the moment before she is told that she must fit in or be ostracized for being (insert scary face here) Different! And why? Because we should all be the same. NO.

 

I shout NO from the mountaintops!!!! I shout NO from the roof! I shout NO in the rain!! I shout NO floating in the middle of the ocean. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!! It’s time for the sound of YOUR voice, my voice, together in a symphony of color, sight and sound. It’s TIME to celebrate our distinctive voice and when we do we come ALIVE!!!!!!!!! And isn’t that what the world needs??? Voices filled with the passionate, celebratory dance of life!!!!!

 

As I start 2013, this is what inspires me – love of self and the sound of true, authentic voices. The world has enough people who are trying to fit in and be a part of the crowd. The world has enough who sit silent thinking they are not making choices but their silence is an enormous choice. NO! I want more for us, for the generations to come, for this world!!!

 

I want the people who are coloring the sky a wild new color. The people that are awake and asking important questions about what it means to live in this world, how we can make it better and fight for the things that matter using OUR gifts and talents. And I want ALL those wide-awake folks to help the next generation so that they don’t lose that love or the sound of their voice only to have to struggle to regain it!

 

This is a call to all the warriors out there who live under the uniquely colored sky and drape themselves on the outside with the colors that exist on the inside.  This is a call to all those who want to work to raise our girls, our children so that they won’t look in the mirror thinking about what they can change to be more loved and accepted and start looking in the mirror thinking – “I look and FEEL awesome” and trust that in this world there are and will be people who love them just as they are.

 

And so this piece was born – this painting, this written piece that speaks to my desire to see intuition, voice and love as the key components in a successful human being. This sassy little girl who knows that the sky is more than just blue and the stars are different for everyone, this girl who trusts she can fly and wields her story-telling paintbrush like wand or a sword, this girl who celebrates the concept of vision just by sharing hers, yes, this is what this year will be for me and you, if you join me. It will be about fighting for more authenticity and true voice and it starts at home. Imagine the ripples I can, we all can send out right from where were standing.

Big things are coming. There will be more to come. It may not all make sense yet but if you are willing to leap there’s wild adventure, life-changing adventure ahead.

You with me?

 

Innocence

Innocence

Original painting by Natasha Reilly,Copyright  2012.

My daughter lies on the couch with a fever singing quietly to herself. She sings about snow and Christmas.  Her soft voice touches my heart, a heart so very heavy with grief for the young angels in Newton, Connecticut and the brave souls who so selflessly tried to protect them that have been lost – all new stars on the face of heaven.

 

As I listen, her words fall upon me like snowflakes and I hear her with every part of my being. I have this image of her in the snow – arms thrown open to embrace the snow, clouds, stars, Universe and beyond. In that moment, I feel a call to share love with the world and I haven’t known how since this news broke.  I’ve been so filled with sadness that I haven’t known how to send love out except in my tears and prayers for the families of all those lost. I haven’t known how to do more than hold my kids, my family close and love them with every single little inch of me.  But today that little voice climbs inside and unlocks something within inviting me to remember the beauty of innocence. I am moved to create as art saves me when my faith in everything else lies beyond my grip.

 

There are so many conversations that need to happen about gun violence, mental illness and much more but right now, let us remember the innocence of our children – yes our children. These little people are our future. We are their guides – all of us as a human race. Let us remember that they have the right to be protected and to enjoy the innocence of childhood. Let us take issue with that and every time we are on the verge of falling back into that sleep again let us remember the innocent ground where trust is born, imagination blooms and love lives in plain sight. Let us remember and fight to bring about the changes so desperately needed.

 

As I finish my piece, my daughter comes to sit on my lap. “I love that, Mom,” she says. “Will she catch snowflakes on her tongue and then make snow angels?” she asks, eyes wide with excitement.  In this moment she sees the possibility to bask in and create more beauty – not hatred or darkness but the simple, innocent beauty found in falling snow. Her small hand moves across the painting and she starts to sing again without even realizing she is doing so. “Let’s hang it up,” she says.

 

Let’s just sit with that innocence. Let’s remember our own and see the beauty of it in our children. Yes, let’s take a moment and cherish it and then ready to fight passionately to protect it.  This is my very small start but change has to begin somewhere and we all need our own symbol to carry as a reminder of why we will push for change. For me it is the innocence of children in falling snow, beautiful small singing voices and new stars on the face of heaven.

Are you ready to bring about change? What will your symbol be?

However, today let us remember the innocence of those lost. As the funerals begin, let us hold space in our hearts for all the families who are heartbroken. Let us look to the night sky and pray for those who in heaven. Let us honor the lives they lead and learn of their selfless love.

 

Life in the Face of Death

 

Photo of Galloway Forest Park in Scotland as seen on the TelegraphUK Travel site.

 

Over the course of the last couple of months, I have attended several funerals. The last one was for a man who was a beautiful, warm soul who had barely started living. It absolutely breaks my heart that he is gone. I wish he was here and I ache for those around me devastated by this horrific loss.

What I have come to learn is that life is over far too fast. We think we have all the time in the world but in all honesty not even 100 years is enough to share the richness that exists within us. It’s not even enough to experience all the richness in life.

I have come to feel blessed in attending funerals and birthdays alike. Sound strange? There is an honor that comes with bearing witness to the life someone lived. You enter that wake with your memories and you leave filled with more – stories you have never heard. It’s so strange how we encourage our children to read and tell stories but as we age we don’t encourage as much. The stories told are the polished versions of how our lives are and what we’ve succeeded at whereas the true human connection lies in how we screwed up and in the mistakes made that now bring tears to our eyes because they make us laugh so hard.

As kids we don’t hide the ugly stuff – perhaps because we don’t know it’s deemed ugly. When we share it’s just life. Often times at funerals the real stuff comes out. People are in a state too delicate to hide. They are raw and honest and beautiful. They don’t turn the person who died into some kind of saint but instead they admit truths that might have been kept secret or tell stories that might be embarrassing in any other circle but the one you are currently standing in because in this moment, there’s no need for embarrassment or hiding, there’s not need for masks. In the face of death there is honesty, a desire to capture whatever moment was deliciously funny or silly or even sad. We are honest because we don’t want the person to be gone and maybe, just maybe if we can share a story they will live on.

We live on when we tell the truth of our story.

For those I have lost, I’m so very thankful for you. I’m thankful for the lives you’ve led, I’m thankful for the things you did, I’m thankful for your stories. I wish you were here.

I wish you were here. And I won’t hide the fact that I’ve been angry as hell and sad. I won’t hide the fact that I’ve laughed hard at some of the stories and ached for you in others. That’s part of being human.

The only thing I will do is say thank you. Thank you for your stories because those illustrate how wonderfully, perfectly imperfect you were and to my mind, those are what make you divine.

May the hearts of all who loved you find peace and healing and may you always dance – you gorgeous, radiant stars – across the face of the night sky.

Float

Float

an original piece by Natasha Reilly Copyright 2012

 

There have been people and situations in my life I’ve held onto for a very long time and now is the time for letting go. It’s not always a happy process. In fact, I’ve discovered that what is “right” for  my life often feels painfully wrong. I’ve thought to myself – I need to run back to this person or situation. But the only reason I run back is out of  a false sense of “comfort” but it’s not real comfort. It’s familiarity and routine; I’m running to what I imagine instead of reality. Those things don’t bring me comfort, they don’t make me feel better. They don’t inspire me to share, grow and let my true voice be heard.

 

Instead, I choose to exist right now in an insanely uncomfortable, sometimes painful space. And as I do, I feel myself begin to fill that new, empty space with happy growth. I like floating in that warm, lucid space where I’m immersed in possibility. I feel new things coming to life.

 

Float – even when it’s uncomfortable, even when it’s hurt, even when you feel wildly lost. It’s ok. You will be ok. Trust me.