Tomorrow, Thursday, September 11th, 2008 will mark seven years since the Towers fell in the beautiful city I’ve always called home. It will mark seven years since my friend, Sean Peter McNulty, lost his life for no other reason than he showed up to work on time that morning. I miss him.
I cannot sum up the life or character of this man; the words needed have not been invented. The best I can do, with a little help from my buddy Billy Joel, is to offer a miniscule glimpse into this person. When Billy sings, “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun..,’ I swear he had Sean in mind. But that’s not the point of this post.
See, what I would like to do is share is a small story about a moment in my life that means more than these small words will ever be able to convey. One winter night, Sean, Claire and I went out for “a beer” which as everyone knows always means ten or more. At some early hour of the morning, we spilled out of the bar and onto the street. It had been snowing lightly when we’d entered but now the sky was clear, you could actually see stars despite the city lights. The crisp air was invigorating and after walking a block we decided to turn into a park that had a playground for kids and a basketball court for all ages. One of us thought it would be fun to zip across the ice covered court like speed skaters. Before I knew it, we were all “skating” till someone fell and we ended up flat on our backs, one beside the other. For awhile, we were like little houses on the ice with smoke rising from our lips as though from a chimney; we stared up at the two stars we could see. The North Star was directly above and I remember that regardless of the cold, I felt warmth akin to that found at home. Sean spoke first, initiating a conversation about wishes and life. But it was not the words that were important. It was the feeling; I still feel it. For a moment, we were as innocent and hopeful as children. We were dreamers opening our hearts to the night, to the sky, to the stars, to each other.
Thank heaven for our brain and our heart, for without them we’d never be able to relive our most touching memories.
I recently talked to Claire about September 11th; each year is so different from the next. As time passes I remember more good things about the day like the birthday of a dear friend – Happy Birthday, Cathy! I think of how blessed I am to live a life so filled with the goodness of the people I am surrounded by – both those who are alive and the memories of those who have passed. I have come to see the day as a time to stop and appreciate and care for the cycle of life, its fragility, its beauty, its pain, its shortness, its richness and its magic. I have come to spend time during the day listening to the wind – it’s always restless on this day – and wonder at the heart’s ability to withstand deep love and deep pain at the same time.
Claire said she sometimes thinks she sees him on the street. She’ll see a guy with the same walk or bag and think, “Is that Sean?” I do the same thing. That “lack of closure” as she put it used to hurt. Don’t get me wrong, it still is sometimes disorienting but I’ve chosen to look at it now as a gift that reminds me that somewhere within – either in mind or heart – a piece of Sean is still very alive in me and in all those he left behind.
In this hectic and sometimes forgetful world, it’s easy to take the small, yet incredibly beautiful moments in life for granted. Today, I invite you to think about someone in your life and a small beautiful moment you shared with them. The person need not be a saint. In fact, I think its better that the person be a mixture of saint and sinner. You see sometimes we immortalize the dead or place the living on a pedestal; it’s better when we can simply make them human, thus the sinner and saint idea.
Think of that person. If they are alive, reach out to them; give them a call, send a little message, a dirty joke or something. If not, think your favorite memory – the crazier or naughtier or sillier the better. I invite you to share something about them here.
Much love to you and yours
